Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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