marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize