your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
