I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
