I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
