i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize