she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize