so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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