if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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