My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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