I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
