im drinking this country out of the recession.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
