Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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