I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The ass gains better be worth it
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