he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
