It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
