He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
