dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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