I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
