My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
