I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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