Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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