yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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