So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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