i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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