You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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