I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I AM VODKA MAN
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
