I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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