My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
