youre lurking in front of me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
