just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
