My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
