You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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