My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize