There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
