So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
