apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He felt like a one man threesome
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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