god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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