I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
