And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
