I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Floor bacon is actually really good
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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