i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
