Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
