Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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