There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize