There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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