so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
