I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
