I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
