The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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