We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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