Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
