We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
