Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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