If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
