You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
