Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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