I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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