I can text with my tongue
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
