I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
