I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize