Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
