i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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