Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
