I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
barbara walters just said penis...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
