My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have aggressive nipples.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
