Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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