im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
