i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
