Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
