M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
