I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
