if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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