I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
