She said her name was "party"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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