how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
