saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
