Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
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