I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
