it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
