Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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