My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize