you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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