That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
