well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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