Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
