I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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