My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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