If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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