i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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