I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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