i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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