hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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