How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
