I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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