The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
