I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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