There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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