he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
