Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
