College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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