i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
