Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
