I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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